PRACTICING AWARENESS OF MICROAGGRESSIONS

When I read the blog assignment for this week, I decided to observe (basically) the world around me.  This included everyone I came in contact with each day as well as those who communicated electronically with me (email, chat, and instant messages).  What I observed was a mixture of totally blatant comments which I would consider to be inappropriate in many ways as well as those which would be examples of microaggressions. 

An example of the blatant comments included one made by a neighbor about individuals who were looking to possibly buy a house for sale in the neighborhood.  The comment was “Oh no I hope those foreigners don’t buy the house.”  The family which was looking at the home was of mid-eastern descent according to this individual.  Personally, I see no problem with who buys the house.  But I am realizing in more clarity after my observation of this past week that others definitely have their biases and are not afraid to voice them.

An example of a microaggression in which I was on the receiving end of this past week was a comment made in general conversation with a friend I had not seen in a very long time.  To set up the scenario once my husband passed away a big majority of our friends and even some of his family members have chosen not come on the property since they state it is too hard for them to deal with.  This one friend had come to talk to my youngest son about something and we got into a conversation where he started asking how things were going etc… I explained things are going well and that I am still working on my second master’s, still running the child care, etc…  The look of surprise and comments made concerning how I was able to accomplish my goals without my husband or being remarried was the microaggression.  I know he did not mean anything by his comments but they still felt like a knife that people still saw me as someone who had lower intelligence and needed to be taken care of by a man because I could not succeed without one.  I suppose I should be used to these types of microaggressions since they are still pretty common even after being a widow for almost nine years, but these comments still hurt in many ways.  I am proud of what I have accomplished but it is tough to deal with those who inadvertently come across as critical of these accomplishments in some way, shape or form.

By focusing on being an observer this past week, it gave me the opportunity to really see how many examples of blatant bias and inadvertent microaggressions are actually said in a weekly period of time.  This realization has made me more aware of my own comments and words I choose in communicating when working with a diverse group of individuals.  It also has made me more aware of others around me and their comments.  I will certainly take this opportunity to be more careful in the future with my choice of words (both verbally as well as written).

PERSPECTIVES ON DIVERSITY AND CULTURE

When I first saw this blog assignment I figured it would be easy to get people to tell me their definitions of culture and diversity.  Boy was I wrong.  I even posted the question for my Facebook friends and only got three replies.  So these are the ones I will use for this assignment and I thank them for their replies to my request.

The first reply I received came from a former exchange student I hosted and am still in almost weekly contact with from Azerbaijan.  She is now 19 years old but has the wisdom of someone a lot older than she is.  Her definition of culture is that it is the common beliefs and values that unite people.  Her definition of diversity is the elements of culture that set people apart.

The second reply was from a really good friend of mine who has adopted three children from Russia and has hosted many exchange students as well.  Her reply was “I would say that 'culture' is an environment that creates a shared experience by people...which could be by events (think 9/11), circumstances (working together as teachers, policemen, etc) or the place they are in (such as living in a cold or warm climate). I think of diversity as any aspect that makes people different from each other...whether it's race, age, sexuality, background, beliefs, etc.”

The third reply was from another former exchange student from Pakistan.  She keeps in contact when she can.  She is also 19 years old now – almost 20 as her birthday is in April.  Her definitions were pretty close to those of the first reply I received.  She believes that culture contains all people with common beliefs and values of their society.  She believes that diversity is the elements within the culture which shows the differences in people.

Each of the answers I received was interesting as they focused on just a basic description of what culture and diversity are.  From what we have studied so far these definitions are just the tip of the iceberg in reference to the complex nature of defining culture and diversity – let alone understanding the complex aspects of both.  It is important to hear/read other individual’s opinions and definitions of culture and diversity since we each have our own understanding based on our own experiences.  In my opinion this added information helps us learn how to listen to others more and give us pause to stop and think our own definitions and beliefs.

MY FAMILY CULTURE

The assignment for this week’s blog posting was a really tough one.  I have worked with exchange students who lived in Gaza and were forcibly evacuated with little of their personal items.  During my conversations with this young man it amazed me how well his family adapted to living in a refugee camp for so long.  Especially with the knowledge that all that was left behind was probably stolen or destroyed.  How difficult would it be to pass down the family culture to future generations?  This young man wisely told me that, though difficult, it is not impossible.  He said they all had their stories in their hearts and minds and could pass these onto each of the future generations as they were to him and his generation.  How wise is this young man at the age of 15 (at the time of this conversation)?

Upon reflecting on this conversation the three items I would choose would be my children’s baby books, a DVD of photos, and a blank journal with a pen/pencil.  I would bring the baby books since these represent the first eight years of my children’s lives so they would be able to reflect back and share with others.  The DVD of photos would hold visual representation of our family culture to go along with the verbal sharing of stories they represent.  The blank journal with the pen/pencil would be the perfect tools to write down the memories in order for them to be shared in the future as they are remembered.  

If, upon arrival, I was told only one item would be allowed to be kept, the item I would choose would be the journal with the pen/pencil.  Since I would not have my computer, this is the next best way I can think of to share the family culture and our life in general with those we are just meeting as well as future generations of family and friends.  I am pretty much attached to my computer and my life is pretty well organized around what I can do with it, so this would definitely be a reality check for me.

The insights I have learned through this assignment is to stop and take the time to figure out who I am, who are we as a family, and how to reflect back on the past; view the present; and move into the future while keeping our beliefs; culture; and diversity.  It is always an eye opener to reflect back and think about what could be.  I have had to do this a few times and it does not get any easier with practice.